Friday, September 01, 2006

The Guys On: being "The Divine Incarnate"

"The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth
may very well be another profound truth."

~ Niels Bohr~

This is an excerpt from a session where the relationship between being human and being divine was brought up for discussion.

GUYS: Have you heard the concept of the "Over-Soul"?

Client: Yes, kind's been awhile, though.

GUYS: Well, it's just a term that we're pulling out because the words kind of line up with your energy now. So when we talk about you being "the divine incarnate walking the earth", the mechanical part that is you at this moment ...your human identity, is an aspect of a larger personality that embraces your current identity...rather than your current identity being the sole aspect of your being.

So, ... look at it this way. You are someone who can cook. There is also a part of you that can swim...and a part of you that can drive...a part of you that can teach...a part that can pack a suitcase and so on. Each one one of those abilities were learned , and while they were being learned they took up your full attention. And the part of you that can do all of those things, surrendered to the learning process of each one of those aspects. So, in the same way there's a YOU that is surrendering into being the you that you are now... it has surrendered into being other you-s that gave you other skills and other talents and other vantage points. Does that make sense?

Client: Yes...that's interesting.

Guys: So we've talked about it like this...when you're in the kitchen making an omelet, and you're being the cook and you're surrounded with all of your cook-stuff,... how useful is it for you to be thinking about the fact that you can also change a tire?

Client laughs

GUYS: And how useful is it to be in touch with that part of you that can play the piano and drive a car? Why bother with that when what you're trying to do is make an omelet and be the cook? It doesn't eliminate the other things that you can do from your repertoire... it doesn't make you "less" that you choose to focus on making an omelet, and on being in the kitchen, for now. It's just an aspect of you that you've chosen to put your undivided attention into...for now. When you're done with that, you'll leave the kitchen and go do whatever there is for you to do based on your other skills an desires.

That seems reasonable doesn't' it? It certainly doesn't diminish you in anyway.

Client: It's funny...because I've always thought about coping with terminal illness or knowledge of imminent death, ..and there's a place that this breaks down pretty neatly between Kid and Adult...but from an Adult place I can easily imagine it not being a really big deal, yet I walk into the doctor's office and he's raising these big issues and then all of a sudden it's a VERY big deal. (laughs)...and I think, now wait a minute. where did the the other part of me go? ... that part that's available to me, at least in the abstract.

Guys: That's a good question. Where did it go?

Client: I don't know.

Guys: Part of you was actually observing the process, wasn't it?

Client: uh-huh

Guys: It's a nice opportunity for you to just notice that there is more to you than what you've always thought there was. So, great.. we bring in the vantage point of kid and adult, but you've had other language and other concepts for the different facets of what comprises your identity. So just stepping back a little and observing the implications of that, can give you a broader perspective or a wider doorway into appreciating your own complexity.

Client: So why have I spent so much time in a part of myself that's so impoverished?

Guys: Notice the judgment on that. If you start from the premise that we present... that all adventure in your reality is about limits and boundaries. There is no aspect of spirit that comes into a 3 dimensional space with time (or a reality that requires manifestation of any kind) that isn't interested in limitation and boundary. Because spirit, on it's own, is unlimited and unbounded. Then, impoverished in any the definition that you use of impoverished... is a greater surrender to more limitation. From our vantage point, it is a good thing. It represents that part of you that's going deeper into a limitation in order to be able to see what opportunities come when you take away the kinds of things that would be distracting. It's the "universe in a grain of sand" concept. If you keep getting smaller and smaller and pop into the bigger. OK? so if you look at it from that vantage point and then you ask the question again..."why would I choose that?"...then the only logical conclusion is Mastery. Does that make sense?

It really is a matter of shifting your vantage point. Then all rational for judging anything becomes goofy. We've always said that if you're judging,... you just don't have enough information. Period. But... you can get more information just from stepping back. It'll give you a broader vantage point. You'll be able to see more...if that doesn't do it, then step back some more...if you still don't get it, step back some more until you can see the whole picture. Then all of a sudden, the piece that looks like it's wrong will show it's perfect fit.

So to bring that in closer to home...the part of you that may be judging your mother, or husband or any one else... just hasn't stepped back far enough to stop taking them personally. If you step back far enough, you will see that what ever it is that you're judging about them has nothing to do with you...then it becomes a curiosity, a point of interest about them...or not. And if you don't find it of interest, you'll have no problem ignoring it because it's not about you.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Guys On: Life, Death and the Hierarchy

"Make everything as simple as possible,
but not simpler."

~Albert Einstein

Last year a neighbor of mine who'd been very ill, with a form of lung cancer that had metastasized into her bones, had some questions about her illness she thought the guys could answer. She came in with a list that did not directly ask about dying. The session was so meaningful to her that she wrote it up herself for use on this blog.

She died peacefully earlier this summer.

This is the full transcript of that session, edited
only slightly for privacy.

Guys: So we have a question for you: What are your feelings or your thoughts or your fears about death?

Client: I’m very worried about my children and I’m worried about my husband,. but I’m not worried about me.

Guys: Why is that?

Client: Because I think my soul will be moving on to do something else.

Guys: And that feels smooth for you. Any glitches in that?

Client: The only thing I’m worried about is, not so much the pain associated with death because that’s treated, but going through losing my physical capacities.

Guys: That’s more the degeneration part that you’re concerned about, but the actual passing?

Client: I’m not concerned about that. I’m kind of excited about it.

Guys: Excellent, excellent.
So, that’s kind of what we see in terms of the energy, ..that not only are you prepared to die in many ways, but there’s a part of you that’s kind of curious. You’re right at that point where there’s an aspect of your unconscious that is kind of reaching out to see what’s going on there, and that’s completely reasonable for someone who is feeling the closure…

There are places inside of you at an unconscious level that you’re hoping to make more conscious by your first questions, that is kind of going, okay, come on, can we just kind of get on with it here, this part isn’t very much fun and I’m really not looking forward to it. Does that kind of make sense to you?

Client: Yes.

Guys: So, we may go about this in a nonlinear way as we address what it is that you’re interested in. The first thing that we want to support you in doing is in letting go of your concerns for both your children and for Will.

Client: Why?

Guys: The concern is socially condoned but not really reasonable ...if you can make sense of that. You’ve been encouraged through all of your lives, not just this one, to focus a great deal on the idea of weakness in humanity rather than ... what we’d like to support you in thinking and coming to understand... EVERYONE is divine incarnate walking the earth and that there is no one here who is NOT the divine incarnate walking the earth. Your children are divine, your husband is divine, Ava is divine, Rich is divine, whoever it is, EVERYONE is spirit in body, PLAYING here... not WORKING here. The idea of being here working is part of the game spirit has been playing ...we call it the "hierarchical game".

So spirit comes in, in order to have experiences that are very unlike it. And spirit, as you recognize, is unlimited, boundless, all-seeing, all-knowing, all over the place. Spirit can do whatever it wants, because it’s all-powerful. If you think about what might be an adventure for spirit that can have and be and do everything and anything unlimited, and imagine that the challenge would be in limitation, to creating a way to limit yourself.

Client: I’m not sure that I’m following you. So you’re saying that it’s challenging to limit myself in some way and then see if I can go beyond it?

Guys: No, to see if you can surrender to limitation,... that’s the challenge. Within your culture and within the world view, that what we call the hierarchical game is set up for you, the idea is to become unlimited, as if that’s an evolutionary goal. But, if you were to really see what’s happening here, you’d realize that you’re already unlimited. And that you came here to play with limits and boundaries.

So you’re familiar with the phrase, the macrocosm is in the microcosm? The universe is in a grain of sand.

Client: Yes.

Guys: And you’ve already experienced the deep joy of focus and concentration on a specific task and have experienced it taking you into a universe that’s ENTIRELY different from the one that you have when you’re just kind of flitting around and doing this and that.

Client : Yes...but tell me more about the hierarchical game.

Guys: One of the things that Ava didn’t get a chance to tell you is that we have a purpose in being here... we, meaning "the guys", as Ava calls us. And that purpose is supporting the people that are interested in making a "transition" out of the hierarchical game into a different way of viewing reality and being in the world, but while still in the body. We have describe the process required to do that as "bringing the unconscious to conscious - because within your unconscious is your memory of your divinity".

Which means that you can be in the body knowing you’re the divine incarnate, knowing that limitation is a game played by choice; it’s not something to evolve past...or learn or earn your way out of. It’s also not about earning or learning your way off the planet. You worked really hard to get here. And you really wanted to be playing with limits and boundaries, space and time. So, brilliantly, within the hierarchical game, spirit set up an opportunity to pretend it was weak and powerless in order to experience what that might be like. It’s really wild!

It works like this: The object of the game, (every game has an object), is to go from Slime to Sublime, as we like to say. You must earn or learn your way off the planet and/or into the Grace of God.

So the very first thing you do, in order to play this game, is you "check your divinity at the door". You can’t come in and play this game knowing that you’re divine; it’s just not going to work. See, you already know this at some level.

Client: yes...that makes sense.

Guys: So you come in and you open yourself to limitation. And you do that by making choices that will allow you to experience specific kinds of limitation in order to feel what it’s like to be limited in power and options. And then to see what happens, ...what you can make of that, what you can do with that.

So some entities/spirits (and this is another aspect of this dynamic) come in with an extremely adventurous spirit, very, very adventurous. We think of them as the same type of spiritual energy as you might see in the kinds of humans that do extreme sports. The people that do extreme sports are ready to die in the blink of an eye. They don’t care if they die because they want the rush. They want to be able to push themselves and see how far they can take something.

So if you understand that some humans are willing to take a helicopter to the top of a mountain in order to ski down in territory that has never been skied before, and is willing to risk their lives to do it; they don’t care whether they make it or don’t make it. They just want to see if they CAN make it. Or people that climb those sheer cliffs, with ropes and pulleys, or deep sea divers that go into cages to see what it’s like to be with a shark.

Again, microcosm/macrocosm. Ifa human limited being is willing to experience this kind of thing consciously and willfully, imagine how much more unlimited spirit would be willing to experience in the body.

So that’s where you get people that are willing to be in an earthquake zone, people that are willing to be tortured, people that are willing to be brought up in extremely abusive families. See, for spirit, this is an adventure.

Client: Wow!

Guys: You don’t want that.

Client: No.

Guys: So you can see, that wouldn’t really appeal to you, so you aren't doing that. But there are things that you as a human find exciting and interesting that might upset or bore the hell out of someone else.

Client: Yes...I can see that. This disease has been an adventure, in a way.

Guys: Exactly so!
Outside of the body, spirit is as diverse as the personalities within the body ...but with more power, more options, more perspective. So, the usual example that we support people with is this... you go into a movie, you know beforehand it’s going to last 2 _ or 3 hours or whatever, and you go in with the intention of surrendering to whatever is on the screen. You give yourself over to the feelings. If it’s sad you cry, if it’s scary you get scared, you intentionally surrender to that. But there’s never a point that you don’t know that you can get up and walk out if you want tot. You have a 3-hour movie; ...spirit has a lifetime.

It's the microcosm/macrocosm... human life is just a smaller version of what there is out there anyway. So the diversity of experience that’s available here on this planet – just this planet – is a reflection of the diversity of personality that spirit has ...and the diversity of interests that spirit has ...and what it wants to experience. So if you think about this planet as just a very complicated and sophisticated Disneyland, you can pretty much find something really exciting to do here. And there’s no fear, meaning spirit has no fear of coming here; it created this, it orchestrated it, it knows exactly what’s going on here because it put it all together.

Client: So can you tell me more about what I’ve put together for myself?

Guys: Well, you can kind of see already. As you’re listening to us talk, you’re already making a few connections, aren’t you? That this particular part of your life is very difficult partially because you’ve been afraid that it’s an indicator that you were doing something wrong.

Client: I don’t know; I don’t know if I agree with that.

Guys: Why do you have this disease? Have you made mistakes? How did you get to this point?

Client: Well, I keep looking at it as a gift.

Guys: Excellent. How?

Client: I guess a gift in that it’s made me realize that I wanted to spend more time with friends, more time with family…

Guys: Lovely; now stop right there, rewind, and go back a bit in time to the first awareness without what it is that you’ve come to. Meaning when you first were diagnosed, was there not confusion there?

Understand oftentimes we can’t necessarily see what you’ve worked through but we see this wide variety of potential and past. So mechanically, there was a point in this process where there was a lot of confusion and self-judgment. So the fact that you’ve worked through so much of it, is part of what we were talking about earlier as, “you’re ready.” There’s a part of you that says, “Okay, I get it, I’m going to hold onto to whatever it is that’s really wonderful.”

Client: Well I’m ready, but I’m not ready.

Guys: Yes. How much of not being ready is about your husband and the children?

Client: Most of it.

Guys: Excellent.

Client: I wanted to see my son find his soulmate (And you will, whether you’re here or not, you will) and he did (Excellent), he just got married, and now I feel the same for my other son, and I want to see grandchildren. I say in my mind that even if I’m not here, I’ll see all this, but it’s a hard thing to hang onto.

Guys: Exactly!
And that’s where if we see that push-pull that’s going on for you, that confusion between what you should be feeling and how this should be playing out – that may be a little confusing, let’s see if we can rewind that a moment. Remember when we were saying earlier, there are things that basically you’ve been trained to experience as normal reactions and normal responses and normal feelings when it comes to being concerned about your family. Okay? So what we want to offer to you is an alternative way to relate to that by really being able to see how powerful you are and how powerful they are in terms of their choices to be here, so that you can leave the uncomfortable part on the side. You can be with them for however long you are here, and just have the ooey, gooey, juicy part for however much time you have left here. Without this concern about what’s going to happen to them, then it becomes all about that.

Client: Are there things that I still need to do?

Guys: In regard to what?

Client: This lifetime?

Guys: There’s not a single thing that you have on your plate left to do other than enjoy the rest of your life.

Client:Why is that?

Guys: Okay, give us a moment here... So, we’re going to give you more of an image. It’s a tricky kind of thing for us, because oftentimes we see energetic pictures without actually knowing what they mean, but hopefully you’ll be able to understand this.

When we look at this particular lifetime for you, we don’t very often go into past lives with people, but there are a couple of things here that we can tie in. There was a longing from way past, meaning beyond this lifetime, to be able to have a lifetime that was very, very human. Regardless of what has been going on around you, there’s been a place inside of you that from the very moment that you entered the womb was very solid and very grounded. There’s a part of you that’s always been observing what’s been going on around you. Does that make sense to you?

Client: Yes.

Guys: It didn’t matter how small you were, you were very interested in relationships and dynamics and how people related to each other, and related to you. You were interested in what this meant and what that meant. Most children go through their lives without tracking, in a scientific kind of way, what’s going on and what things mean... but you tracked your life. Does that make sense to you? Can you relate to that?

Client: Yes, I can

Guys: You have paid attention to what’s been going on around you and have been looking to find your place in things, and trying to find out what works for you, what works for others, how things fit and come has been a real desire on your part to understand and experience just being human.

Client: I was just going to comment that I’ve done a lot of different things career-wise, like I can very much relate that to what you’re saying, just that I’ve wanted to try out a lot of different things. I was a teacher, I was a marketing director, and then I was a dietitian. I’ve gone to school my whole life. I always feel like whatever I’m doing, I’m looking forward to trying the next thing.

Guys: Yes, you see, you’re always studying. It’s the mark of What we call a "systems analyst". Ava’s a systems analyst and there are more of you. It’s that tracking. You don’t do anything without tracking it. How it fits with other things, how these things come together, how they line up. So the difference between when we say you just wanted to be human, it’s not just feeling human, it’s understanding human. Being in there, but watching it, learning it, studying it. How does this work? How does that work? Well, how did that come together and why did they chose this, why did I chose this, why do I want this? Why does this go that way? Why doesn’t it work this way? What if I do this, and what if I do that, and I’m going to try this. It’s been kind of like the mark of this lifetime for you. And that’s because in many of your past lives, you basically just dived in, not very much consciousness (and we don’t mean stupid or anything), but just surrender to emotions or surrender to…whatever strikes your fancy.

We’ll give you an example: You were a bullfighter. Can you see, that’s takes a certain kind of focus and a certain kind of concentration. You were, as a very small child, in a family of people that did just this one thing, and in that way you learned to do that in a very narrow way; you learned to shut out everything else, ignore everything else.

You’ve had many recent lifetimes of that kind. So, if you get that, you’ll be able to put it together. It’s really very, very logical. Can you see how many different things have been of interest to you in this life? So in the past, you’ve devoted whole lifetimes to one thing and surrendered into that thing but without paying attention, without consciously tracking what you were doing.

Whereas in this lifetime, you’ve been really tracking what you’ve been doing. You’ve been analyzing all of your personal systems and all of the systems around you. It’s kind of "in" but not quite "in". You dive in but you pay attention and you watch. You track. You organize. So this life was all about conscious experience of the diversity of all of your interests. And you can see, you’ve done really, really well. And this is kind of a logical end, isn’t it? To give yourself an opportunity to experience this. Look at how prevalent cancer is in the consciousness of this country. There’s very little that’s more human.

Client: I often think about this time of my life as…I am so spoiled. My husband spoils me incredibly and sometimes I think to myself…

Guys: Okay, can we do a correction here on the language? You're "Pampered".

Client: Yeah.

Guys: You’re not spoiled, you’re pampered.

Client: I’m very pampered. And sometimes I think why do I deserve to be so pampered?

Guys: Exactly. When we were talking before, sometimes these things, they wind together in a goofy way, but they really make sense. Remember we were saying to you that you had confusion and the guilt about being sick. There are places inside that are more about that little girl inside of you, (rather than this grown, intelligent woman you are), who really thinks you’re being punished, that this is a bad thing that’s happened to you. So therefore, why do you deserve anybody being good to you or nice to you or pampering you in this way.

Client: I never thought about it that way.

Guys: It’s an odd kind of thing. We spend a lot of time, with the people that we work with on a regular basis, talking about the distinction between the Adult you and the Kid you. If you don’t know that there is a small child that is fully conscious, trying to protect you, and trying to guide you, and trying to support you, based on your parents and the culture’s world view, then you can’t take full credit for the adult that you’ve become. You’re constantly being cramped by these underlying feelings of “I don’t deserve this.” The Kid is trying to protect you by making sure that you don’t screw up.

Client: In what way?

Guys: Well, making sure you don't offend God, or go against some cultural thing. The Kid is always checking/monitoring/scanning for what could wrong with you in any given moment.

Now, when we talk about the Kid, we’re not talking about the inner child that is in the pop culture, ... the beautiful, mystical child that you’re supposed to take care of and reclaim. That’s not the child that we see haunting people. It’s the child of all of your fears and confusions and misdeeds from the way that you were handled and treated when you were small. The Kid expresses the confusion that came about from not understanding why your parents didn’t see you in the way that you thought you ought to have been seen,... or didn’t see each other in the way that you thought they should see each other, ...or didn’t respond to the world etc.

There’s this very odd process that happens in childhood, particularly for someone like you who’s so analytical in this lifetime. You tracked so many things that didn’t really make sense and you plowed through trying to do what made sense to you ... but without recognizing that you’ve still got this little one in the subconscious saying, “But what if they’re right? What if it should be this way? But what if you’re screwy? And what if you really don’t know what you’re doing? What if you oughta…maybe you should have done that?” And she runs quietly in the background. See, once you recognize that Kid voice, you can ignore it or negate, cut the cord, so-to speak, ...then there are all kinds of things that can change.

Client: …a book which you probably know, Sacred Contracts… It’s written by Carolyn Myss.

Guys: We don’t know that book but we are familiar with her.

Client: She talks about archetypes, and one of them is the child archetype and I’ve been trying to go through the process in that book of identifying my archetypes and I get stuck on the child because it’s hard for me to find the child in me.

Guys: How does she describe the child archetype?

Client: Kind of what you were just describing, it could be any difficulty that you had in childhood, or pain, or feelings of punishment. Very much the way you have described it.

Guys: And you had difficulty relating to it because?

Client: It’s so hard for me to think of myself as a child, I’m never childlike, I don’t like to play. Even when my kids were little, I’d play games with them but I wasn’t a person to get down on the floor and play with their trucks.

Guys: You’re a systems analyst. That’s what happens when you come in very mental. And this is not a bad thing. An opportunity to be different.... the most recent lifetimes, that surround the choices for this lifetime, no analysis.

Client: In those other lifetimes?

Guys: Exactly.

Client: Well, not to wander all over the place…

Guys: Please do.

Client: When you talked about the idea of being a bullfighter (which I’ve never thought about ), the part I can relate to is, what has fascinated me my whole life has been people who devote themselves to a single thing, because that’s not me, at least in this life.

Guys: Exactly.

Client: But I’ve been fascinated by, for example, ice skaters, or dancers. Dancers in particular.

Guys: You’ve done all of that.

Client: I’ve always wondered if I was a dancer in another life.

Guys: Absolutely. All of your past lives that led into the decision to have this life have been non-analytical and totally focused on one fascination.

Client: Can you tell me about any of the others?

Guys: Well you know you have danced, then there’s…’ve also been a beach bum/surfer...also very focused!

Well, this is off-planet, but you invented elsewhere a very technical, scientific contraption that allowed for a shift in a space-time dynamic, elsewhere, that made it possible for certain things to relate to each other that were very, very far apart. But it was a huge, very focused lifetime, again within a very scientific thing.

You’ve been in very, very cold climates, where all there was, was survival. You’ve been places where there was no water, where everything was so focused on just being able to get by…

See, every single lifetime around you recently has required an entire commitment to a single goal, with no analysis, no thought. And you loved all of them, but got to a point that said, you know what? There’s something missing here. I want to go do a few things and pay attention to what’s going on around me and how what I’m doing fits in and how what’s going on around me fits in with me. I want to find my place consciously. I want to keep an analytical distance; I want to analyze the system, even while I’m in it.

Client: So, is this the first life in which I have been spiritually aware?

Guys: No. Some very focused lives, have been in monasteries, you’ve done that as well. You spent lifetimes completely devoted to…

Client: That’s so interesting because some of these things that you are talking about have just been fascinations for me during this lifetime.

Guys: And it makes perfect sense, because, can you feel that your part in this lifetime is to keep them at a distance. So you became curious "about" them, without indulging "in" them, and the things that you’ve indulged, have all been things that you could control, meaning they didn’t involve you having to give up so much that you would have to devote yourself.

So you’ve picked things that would allow you to keep an arm’s distance and still have a life. That’s why we’re saying, in terms of being human, to give yourself a chance to be a human here, without abandoning what it is that you wanted to do, which was also study humanity.

Client: So, I’m wondering if that was the reason that I made changes, because I was getting too focused?

Guys: Makes sense, doesn’t it? When you could see that the next step would involve you giving more, surrendering more, then that’s the point that you would decide to pull out.

Client: I’ve never thought of it that way, but it makes perfect sense now. It was very hard for me to retire, for example, because I just didn’t feel like it was anything I’d ever do. And I guess that’s partly related to this feeling of being pampered.

Guys: Go ahead, say more about that.

Client: Well, when I retired, I wasn’t working, I wasn’t giving back to other people in the same way. I mean, I think I’m definitely giving back to other people now in true friendships, being a mother, being a wife, whatever. But, it was hard to accept that as a role when I first retired. Does that make any sense?

Guys: It makes perfect sense. It’s part of that tricky little package, be a systems analyst independent of humanity and still be human. But can you see that this pulled in that human factor? And you’ve still been studying. What does it mean to be a good wife, what does it mean to be this kind of a friend, what does it mean?

Client: Does it mean “ and how do I do it?”

Guys: How does that happen? What’s my relationship to that? What’s that relationship to me? So then you start thinking about being pampered and then you’re analyzing again.

Client: And if I’m not analyzing, if I get to a point where I’m really engrossed in the day-to-day activities, if I’m not analyzing, then all of a sudden I realize that and go back to analyzing.

Guys: You don’t want to miss that part, because that’s what you came for. Because all of these other lives have been about surrender, so you go so far and then you pull back and go, okay, I want to pay attention to what just happened here. When you've done that enough, then you feel comfortable going back and doing that some more. After awhile there’s a bell that goes off, or something goes off, that says, okay, back up a little. What just happened here? What have I been doing? Why am I doing this? You put the pieces into place somewhere in a way that works and then okay, you feel like you’ve done that so now I can go back and do this.

And that’s pretty much the scope of this life: in and out, in and out, go check this out, how does this feel, go in, have that experience of being in there, uuppp, come out.

Client: So I’ve played the game, and…

Guys: ....watched the game. But you didn’t know it was a game to the extent that it is. That’s the piece that you’re getting today, to be able to recognize that that’s all been a game, so whatever part of you was afraid it was serious, important, spiritually meaningful, ... well, you can relax about that completely.

Client: Isn’t it spiritually meaningful?

Guys: Not in the way you’ve been trained to think it is, ...meaning spirit gives meaning to everything based on its pleasure and whim and desire. Spirit is not hierarchical. That’s a construct. Spirit does not deal with good, bad, right, wrong, unless it’s playing.

Client: What do you mean when you say, it’s not hierarchical?

Guys: Spirit doesn’t have a hierarchy. There are no lesser or greater spiritual beings or experiences. Spirit does not judge, other than based on its preference. So a spirit may prefer a certain experience, but it doesn’t judge it as better. Another spiritual entity may value the opposite experience more. So what?

It’s another part of the transition that we talk about. Exiting out of the hierarchy is to start recognizing that all experience is subjective. The concept that subjective reality is all there is. Meaning, there is no possible objective reality. It all changes, depending on your vantage point.

So the number one rule in getting to play the hierarchical game is that you have check your divinity at the door. As soon as you enter the hierarchical game, the number one rule becomes (and there are many rules)… is that you will pretend that there is an absolute criteria for everything. Even though... every day in your life, you will see that there’s an absolute criteria for nothing.

Client: Can you explain more?

Guys: Okay. Do you understand absolute criteria?

Client: Yes.

Guys: Love, for example. Everyone knows what love is? Not so. Everyone has a different definition of love, they just pretend there’s one definition of love. While playing the hierarchical game you’re going to pretend that everyone agrees what love is; you’re going to pretend that everyone agrees what’s good. You’re going to pretend that there’s agreement on what’s right, you’re going to pretend that there’s agreement on what’s better. When every day, in every way, your life shows you no one agrees on any of this. They just pretend. So depending upon what sub-game of the hierarchical game you are playing, you will concoct absolute criteria for that sub-game and pawn it off as the only criteria. So if you’re Muslim, you have an absolute criteria about what it means to be in a proper relationship to God. If you’re a conscientious Catholic, you’re going to pretend that only Catholics can go to heaven, that God only loves Catholics and will only allow them in. See, these are nonsensical, arbitrary criteria that you pretend are absolute while you’re playing this game, when every day you walk out and these are shattered left and right, everywhere you look. ...and you look away.

Client: So you can still keep pretending?

Guys: Yes, because that’s the game. Let's say you come into a room and your kids are playing Monopoly. What kind of reception would you get if you walked up to them and said, oh, come on, those aren’t hotels. That’s not real money. That’s not Boardwalk. That’s a board that’s got these plastic pieces on it. What are you doing? That’s all true that these are plastic pieces, but what are they going to say to you? ... Mom, go away! We’re having fun here, go away! So in order to play the game, and not spoil it for others, you’re going to pretend a lot!

Now we, as a collective, (along with many, many other aspects of spirit) are here, within this time-frame, supporting a shift in consciousness for those who are interested it. That shift in consciousness is just about the awareness that you are the divine incarnate walking the earth, playing with limits and boundaries and space and time, ...for FUN. These are games.

You’re playing at being vulnerable, you’re playing at being powerless, you’re playing at not having choices, you’re playing at karma, you’re playing at being stuck here, you’re playing with all of these limitations, because they’re fun. But at another level of your being, don’t buy it for a minute. You also know that you can leave at any time, and people check out in all kinds of ways. "Okay, enough of that game, I’m outa here". You pretend that suicide is bad. No it’s not.

Client: And then you move on to something else?

Guys: Yeah. That’s more fun.
So, all this is deliberately and specifically relevant for you right now. You're giving yourself an opportunity to not worry about your husband and not worry about your children. They, too, are the divine incarnate walking the earth, they signed up to be with you while you’re going through this. The did that in order to enrich THEIR experience of you and life. And if they lose you – soon, or later, whenever – they want to be in that kind of a situation in order to have that loss as a part of their being.

So for you, to let go of being concerned about what they do with their experience of you, while you’re here or after you’re gone, is really hard. But we’re saying, you can let go of that and just enjoy them, and trust – and we wouldn’t say this to you if it weren’t so – trust that you’re adding to their experience with anything and everything that you do.

Client: Wow. Good.

Guys: Excellent. All right. Well, it’s been our pleasure.

Friday, November 25, 2005

The Guys: On The Hierarchical Game

All great truths begin as blasphemies.
~George Bernard Shaw~

This session started on another topic entirely, and then took a sharp turn into the New Age concept of "having it all". The following ensued.

GUYS: In the "New Age" Game, which is a Hierarchical Sub-Game, it was drilled in to you that YOU,... a finite being by design ...should aspire to being infinite. That's part of the Hierarchical' Game's goofball system. Do you understand. .

Client: yes.

GUYS: Within the Hierarchy, there's pretending going on. Anything to keep you feeling inadequate will be thrown into the equation. What could be more limiting, in terms of your own sense of authority and life, than to tell you that you should be able to "have it all"? Considering that you chose to come into a reality whose whole purpose was limits and boundaries, will not be able to do that.

Client: There's something wrong..

GUYS: Exactly. See, isn't that cool? The Hierarchcal Game is brilliant. The more you look into it, the more you see how meticulous, how flawlessly it's put together. It has a purpose, it has a reason for being, and it has all kinds of supportive structures that support the reason for it being. It's a great game. You're just sick and tired of it. It's a "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt".... Puleeease.... You already know what's gonna happen. Any scenario you can imagine...

Client: I could figure it out.

GUYS: It's like reading a new a mystery or novel that has an ongoing character. If you follow it for long enough, you can almost always anticipate what's going to happen... Can you see how it gets boring? The thrill is gone. OK?

So the challenge in the Transition, for you right now, is to separate out the Kid from the Adult. Everything to be done that will take you toward being exquisitely happy, profoundly content, and truly engaged in being here.... the Adult can do, and the kid just can't. The kid can't play this game because it's too scary....(Guys whine here...) "There are no rules, how do you know what to do, who will come and take care of us, what if... " and it goes on like that.

Client: Laughter

GUYS: Because an Adult can deal with all the consequences of her actions, and knows you are completely safe right now, ...holy moly, you are so supported it's silly... even if you die, you win. This is a no-lose system, There is nothing to lose. it's a GAME.

So the Adult is completely capable of wrapping their intellect around the idea that you're safe if it's a game, the Kid is not. That's why, as we explain concepts, we ask so often if you understand. We want to first make sure that you do, that you're in conscious agreement with what we're saying, and not warping yourself somehow in order to agree.

If there's a place inside you that doesn't agree, let's work it through till you come to understanding. You see, we're not trying to trick you into anything that isn't real, We're trying to help you see what's happening here. So it's like that old Plato thing - people semi-blinded coming out of the cave saying "uh-oh, what is that scary shadow over there?" We're here to say "Oh, that's O.K., that's just a tree. You're safe." ..."Are you sure? -... what's a tree?"

So as you bring your disagreement, your confusion your skepticism to the table we can tell you, "Sure, it makes sense that you would think or feel thus and such, but look at it this way, doesn't that change things?"... "Well, if you put it that way." And the reason that we can do that is because we don't depend on your taking a leap of faith intellectually into anything. Every case that we make we can make out of your own experiences... before we even came on the scene. Follow?

Client: Absolutely...that's my experience.

Guys: There's nothing that we're presenting to you that doesn't already have a support system based on things that you've already experienced. What we do is adjust the dials so that you can see it for what it really is, not for what the Hierarchy tells you it is. And this is fun for us and for you.

So you don't have to pretend anymore that there's an absolute criteria for anything. Or, that there's a God outside of you... and it's not you. You don't have to pretend that you have to work really hard to earn your way off the planet. You can stay here and play as long as you want and then when you're tired, you can go. Whenever you want. You don't have to pretend death is bad, and all illness is bad, and loss is bad, and that there's nothing to be gained from pain. You don't have to pretend that you hate to cry. You don't have to pretend that sadness has no virtue. You don't have to pretend you don't understand what's going on here.

Client: It becomes pretty obvious.

GUYS: Excellent. All right? That'll give you something to chew on for a while. As always, it's our pleasure..and Good Day.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

The Guys: On Staying in the Present

"The significant problems we face

cannot be solved at the same level of thinking
we were at when we created them."
~Albert Einstein~

This was part of a session with someone wanting to move to a warmer climate and having some stuff come up with the Kid about just exploring the options first.

The conversation started out entirely about moving (not included here) but quickly got to the usefulness of staying in the present.

GUYS: One of the hardest things for you to do, in general, is stay in the present. Your fear and your intelligence make you a superbly good neurotic planner, schemer, workaround artist. You know what we mean by that?

Client: Yes

GUYS: And that is the very thing you are trying to break away from by using this as an opportunity to do something you want to do, and dis-invest from the expectation, anticipation or desire to know what the outcome will be...then to systematically keep bringing your energy back into the present. Because what is in the present with you is what you want. See that's very clear, it's all over your energy. There's a part of you saying, "I just want to go, I just want to see it. I just want to know. It doesn't matter what they say, I just want to go." Do you have a sense of that?

Client: Yes, And I have not a clue where it comes from.

GUYS: Exactly.

Client: The Kid got all excited. "Oh let's go!! let's go!!, it will solve everything."

GUYS: What we're saying to you, the Adult, is - "don't bank on that". You as an Adult have already decided, and told her, "I don't care what you think, we're not packing up and moving."

Client: And it's also the Kid in me that's afraid of moving?

GUYS: Yes. Anything that isn't perfect is bad news to the Kid. To the Adult there is no bad news. You go and find out. If it's not what you hoped, you don't have to move there. That's good news, because if you don't go, you'll wonder if you should have gone, and wonder if there really was something special there.

This is really just a matter of recognizing that part of what an Adult can do is go there & find out. You don't have to guess. You don't have to trust. Although you CAN, ... you CAN guess and you CAN trust, ...but you don't HAVE to. Why? Because you can live with the consequences of your choices. And the reason that you're going is because you're really counting on that. Plus, you really stretch yourself. You understand? There's no way that you can lose by going, except if you let the Kid run the trip, or take over the agenda, and then let her drag you down into the muck.

Client: OK, it's very exciting.

GUYS: Think about this. Trying to organize, in advance, how to deal with this is the way the Kid would approach this. She thinks: "EEEEEK I'm gonna go there and I'm not going to know what to do. ...What can I do when I get there so that I'll know... I have to know that NOW!"

Client: Laughter

GUYS: Now notice, the Adult loves this, the kid hates this. As an Adult this is a hoot. You're thinking this stuff, completely committed to the logic of it, and yet it makes no sense based on what it is you're trying to do, within this context. So to have this kind of internal EEEEK-ing going on is a riot.

We would suggest to you that the kind of questions you could ask yourself have to do about being here and now. "What am I feeling? What am I doing with what I'm feeling? What do I want right now? And as the waves of feeling and information start to surface, notice which is the Kid and which is the adult. "How can I begin to tell the difference between the Kid feelings and thoughts and the Adult feelings and thoughts?" You could be doing that right now.

Client: And this is where it gets hard for me. So like, for example, the answer comes into my mind: I want to live where it's warmer and has warm water. So I could get that by living in Hawaii, or living in Florida or buying a hot tub.

GUYS: Yes, but you see, the question is, "what do I want NOW?"

Client: Uh huh.

GUYS: Now. In this room. This is not about Hawaii, this is not about warm climate. This is about what do I want ...

Client: RIGHT NOW?? I'd still rather be swimming in warm water!

GUYS: Would you rather be swimming in warm water than be here?

Client: Well, at this moment, no.

GUYS: That's what we're talking about NOW. We're not talking about some vague now that encompasses between now and Christmas.

Client: Not even between now and 10 o'clock tonight?


Client: I know, I know. You're drawing a line in the sand.

GUYS: All right, so right now you might want a drink a water. If you're sitting at your computer, and suddenly you go, "Now - what do I want right now?" "I need a stretch. Or I need to stop looking at this screen. I want to go outside for a bit." So, these questions the Adult is dealing with now, they're like little, itty bitty finite things. Very finite.

Talking about now. the Kid has no sense of this kind of... because.. all or nothing, now or never, on or off... So when the Kid thinks about now, the Kid is thinking about forever, so if you don't get what you want forever now, you will never have it. Which is where all that "oh my god, I have to do something... I have to do something right now" comes from.

Client: Damn! ...I should know this by now! I've been working on exactly this for a long time.

GUYS: Come on now, ..we know we make this sound extremely simple. It is extremely simple for us. But that's because we're not complicated in our vision by having been living with this Kid the way you have.... and processing information in this manner for as long you've been alive.

So it's very easy for us. It's the same as if you were to stroll up to Guadalupe and Montezuma, and meet a tourist there, and they ask you "Where's the Zia Diner?" You say "it's right over there." Now they've been walking back and forth and haven't seen it. But you knew exactly where to look for., Why? ...because you're very familiar with this territory. You're not thinking you might be lost, you're not thinking it might not be here, you're not thinking you've got the wrong map. You know this territory - there's the diner.

So for you, going to the Zia Diner is as simple as for us saying, "That's not an adult, that's a kid. You don't mean that, you mean this." And you're saying "Why didn't I think of that?" Because you think you might be lost. OK So we know this territory very well, it's crystal clear, it's like Guadalupe and Montezuma. All right?

Client: OK.

GUYS: how are you feeling? What's going on here? What do you want RIGHT NOW?"

Client: Well, right now I want to go pee...

GUYS: Excellent. So what might stop you from getting up to go pee?

Client: well, that it isn't urgent, that I'm taking up time, that I might miss something. I can sort through that.

GUYS: Can you see that this is the Kid ?

Client: Yes! [gets up and goes to bathroom]

GUYS: OK, let's continue right in this vein because it's so perfect. So, that's what would stop you as a Kid from getting up to go pee. What might stop you as an Adult from getting up to go pee?

Client: Well, umm, well first answer is nothing, but maybe

GUYS: Not What would stop you, but what MIGHT stop you? What might be going on in addition...

Client: If I was interested in something and it wasn't that urgent to go pee, and I had a preference to continue.

GUYS: Excellent, excellent. SO can you see that, what would stop you from fulfilling one want is another want that you want more.

Client: : Well that's what I think the Adult world is.

GUYS: So, not getting certain wants might actually be a choice because you have other wants that you want more. The Kid will look at the same scenario and think that not getting the "lesser" wants is a loss, rather than a choice. Kids are like that.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The Guys -On The Transition as a Game

Reality is not only stranger than we suppose
but stranger than we can suppose.
~J. B. S. Haldane~

Here's more on The Transition, and at the end a little excerpt from another session on staying the present.

Guys: Staying in the present is almost like a treasure hunt. That's what it feels like. And that's what the Transition is about. Getting you out of a scripted game and ready for a treasure hunt game, an ..."Improvisational Game". See, an "improvisation" is like a treasure hunt - you don't know what you're going to say...then you say it, but you don't know what's going to happen next. And then the other character says something, it's not scripted, so nobody knows what they're going to say. And it's not until you hear what's been said that you have any idea what's going to come next.

So it's basically taking your clues moment by moment, and waiting until the next clue shows up. You can't do this in a hierarchical game or a scripted game - that's not what the rules are all about. You can't do that in either of those games because there is always an external director, an agenda ... an external goal.

In an improvisation there's no director - everybody's equal. As a group, they decide what the game is going to be, and as individuals, they decide for themselves what they're going to do. They don't have to agree. It's a free for all.

That can only happen when know you're safe and you know that you don't need a leader. You don't need a "god" that is someone other than you to make sure that you do the "right" thing - see the "right" thing at the "right" time.

In the hierarchy, if you don't don't follow the script/director/god not only will you lose your place in the script but you'll jeopardize the entire game for everyone else and you'll piss them off, they may lose their places and then everyone will rot in hell and it'll be YOUR fault.

All right? - but breaking out of that game, ..that "your fault" game...and becoming comfortable playing an "Improvisational Game",... that treasure hunt game.. requires a transition. For that there is "The Transition Game", and this is it.

It's about getting comfort able staying out of the future and in the present. Getting familiar with who you really are, and who you're not so you can stop trying to be who you are not. Getting more information that you can work with about what your place is in the scheme of things ...really. Not in the evolutionary scheme of things or the karmic scheme of things, but in the actual scheme of things. Understanding how VERY safe you are. What really is going on here for you. What are the real rules are and aren't while you are here in the body. And so on...OK?

So understand, the Transition game is not the Improvisational game. You're going to practice improvising, ...but within a structure. That's what the Transition is for. So there are parts of it that are very free, and parts that require some kind of structure.

Meanwhile you're safe, so you don't have to worry about your safety. The Universe supports your transition 100%. You are completely safe. There is no aspect of you that is ever abandoned. Never has been, never will be. You are not on your own. You have a really good "spiritual support staff" that really love their jobs. You are not an imposition, You are not a chore, Nobody's going out of their way for you. They are just loving this whole thing, loving it! Watching what you do, watching where you go, how you think, how you stumble and how you pick yourself up. No draftees - everybody's a volunteer. So with this kind of support staff, all volunteers, all real happy, you get a chance to, in your own way at your own pace, clear the hierarchy out of your energy... psychologically, socially, spiritually...and deeply understand that "you are the divine incarnate walking the earth" and thus gain a willingness to surrender into your soul as being yourself. Make sense?

So in this process the Transition provides you enough support and structure that you can practice a little improvisation and discover... Hummmm... nobody shot you, the world didn't cave in, and everybody's fine even though you're not playing the way you used to.

Staying in the present...

Guys: If you can get more exercised in going, "Oh, this is interesting" when something happens... instead of "Oh, I bet this means this, and this means that, this must mean this, then I'll do this and then this will happen..."

If you can just go, "Oh, this is interesting, What am I feeling here? Curiosity? Interest? What do I want to do about this?" and keep bringing everything back into the present, back into the present. Because what's in the present, is everything you need to take your next step. Your next single step. When you take that step, everything that you need to take the next step will be delivered Special Delivery, to you one else, directly into your hand, so that you will know what you need to do next.

And when you do the next thing, you will keep getting Special Delivery packages, full of all of the information you need for the moment,... for your next move. So it's basically taking your clues moment by moment, and waiting until the next clue shows up.

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Guys: On Being Alone

Chance knocks at the door more often than we think,
but most of the time nobody is home.
– Will Rogers

I love how this client comment was phrased...and what came of it.
The Guys started out talking about "being alone" and then segued into "reality is always enough". Interestingly, this was a subject they spoke about quite a bit when they first came through. I hope to dig out more and will post it when I find it.

Client:: I used to be so frantic to arrange things in my life, especially to not be alone, and now it's like, I want to be alone. There're very few people now that I know of who I care to spend any time with. I choose solitude.

GUYS: Everyone we work with that gets to this point in their process where the scales shift, the balance tilts from everyone being important, to a real appreciation of your own value. They lose some friends. This just happens. It's not because people are abandoning them, they are actually abandoning people, and the people that they're abandoning are either confused, or reluctant, or relieved, or whatever. There are often various reactions. But the energy is a pulling away energy. It has to happen that way because you have to get a real familiarity with your own company, and your own energy, before you can be clear about who, or what, will supplement it or enhance it. And then it really becomes a supplement to you, not a replacement for you.

Reality is always enough. It's more than enough. What is real is sooo exciting and sooo juicy! Society is confused right now because it is being told that what is "real" is mundane, and boring, and typical... but that you should be special somehow. And, in order to be really special, you have to lead or leave the pack. You have to shine, have to make a mark on the world, have to stand out, have to create something so magnificent that the world will shower you with rewards.

So when you break that trance of believing in this hyped Shangri-La and really stop and take a close look at what is real in your life, what relationships are real, what are you surrounded by, and what is real about you.... you start to get "real" picky. - “I like my bike and riding it more than I like being with this person.” “I like my house this way, and if you don't like it, too bad. You want it another way you do it your way at your house. This suits me fine”.

And then you literally start shedding the old voices that said "you should care, should matter, ...what will people think?... what will people do with what they think?" Those voices get more and more muted. Then sometimes another voice comes up as those others are muted... it says "uh-oh, I don't know what I'm doing!"

But that's reality also... that's a fact, you don't always know what you're doing. The bad news is - that scares you ...habitually. The good news is that you don't always need to know what you're doing. You're fine. You'll figure it out. You've figured things out before, you can figure this out, too. AND, you have a right not to know. Many people may be grateful, and even find it soothing, to hear you say "I don't know" out loud.

Friday, November 04, 2005

The Guys -On Intimacy

"Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

The Guys have always defined intimacy differently than the culture. It's not about sex, romance, or even's about honest communication. The willingness to know yourself and be known by the other. And, the willingness to know the other... really. Here's one way they have explained it.

Intimacy is about being willing to know the truth, tell the truth, and then stand there, (meaning wait, ..for however long it takes, wait) while the other person hears your truth and processes it. And then be there ...willing to hear their truth. Then take the time you need to know the truth about what you have heard. Then be willing to tell the truth about that.

* Know your truth...Take the time that you need to think about that.

* Then tell that truth

* Be there and be willing to wait till the other person processes your truth.
That’s a really important step. Give them all the time they need.

* Then really be willing to hear what they believe, ...what their truth is.

And then be willing to do the other thing that’s really hard...
*Take the time that you need to think about it, so you can come to your own truth about their truth.

*Then be willing to tell that.

And it goes back and forth in that way, from one deep truth to another, creating intimacy.

Friday, October 28, 2005

How to post comments

Several people have mentioned having problems trying to comment here. The Blog is managed by Google and because of that I have almost no control over how things are laid out or function. But...once you understand it, it should be pretty easy. Let me know if you have questions and I’ll try to help.

This is how the commenting seems to work:

1.) First, scroll to the bottom of the article you’d like to comment on,
then click on either the date link or the comments link.

That takes you to another page that has the same article all by itself.

2.) Scroll to the bottom of the page and click on "Post a Comment". It
should bring up another screen with blank box to write your comment in.

3.) Write your comment in the box and then:

Below that box are 3 "radio" buttons... "Blogger" (selected by default)
"Other" and "Anonymous".

4.) ... If you would like your comment to show your name, (the way mine
shows up at the bottom)..... click the "Other" button, and it will change
the boxes below it from "User name" and "Password" to "Name" and "Your web
page". (You can fill in either, both, or neither.) Then click "preview" to
see how it will look, or "publish your comment" and have it posted without
previewing it.

4a.) Or click the “Anonymous” button and preview or publish without any
personal identification.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Exercise - Not Knowing

That which we persist in doing becomes easier.
Not that the nature of the task has changed,
but our ability to do has increased.
~ Emerson ~


This exercise, or "practice" as he calls it, is from Charlie Badenhop, Originator of Seishindo, who developed it from the Zen teaching of Seung Sahn.

I came across it awhile back and thought it would be a nice compliment to the previous post..."The Guys: On Fear Regarding Health"...where they suggest you "not tell yourself what is or isn't the case when you don't know."

Since the Kid wants everything fixed-finished-and-final, not knowing ...well, it's not good. This might help move past some of that.

Let me know if you find it useful...Ava

Only Don't Know
by Charlie Badenhop

This practice is designed to help you dissolve your usual sense of "knowing" about the world you live in and who you are. It can help you to open up to new ways of thinking and perceiving, and assist you in creating the future you want to work towards fulfilling.

You will most likely want to read through all of the instructions at least once before actually doing this practice.

I developed this practice from the Zen teaching of Seung Sahn. You might find this practice to be somewhat the opposite of exercises that you have tried in the past. Please be open to experimenting and discovering. This practice is designed to help us dissolve our usual sense of "knowing" in order to help us open up to the possibilities of learning something new.

Now make some of the following statements (once again, out loud if suitable), feeling free to improvise with whatever YOU are drawn to feel and say:

"I don't know if I am successful or not."
Take a deep breath.

"I don't know if I am good looking or not."
Take a deep breath.

"I don't know exactly where my life is leading me."
Take a deep breath.

"I don't know who I really am."
Take a deep breath.

"I don't know many things that I would like to know."
Take a deep breath.

"I don't know what I don't know.
Take a deep breath.

"I don't know what I do know."
Take a deep breath.

As you feel into the sensations of your breathing as well as all of the sensations in your body, know that "not knowing" and "not fully understanding" is an essential part of the human condition.

Take a few deep breaths and sit calmly for a minute or two, as you feel deeply into your true human self...... .
Really do take this time.
The idea being, to become comfortable with "not knowing" while appreciating yourself fully, and accepting that there is so much that you do not know.

When you are ready, make some notes about what "not knowing" is teaching you.

During the course of the next two weeks repeat this practice numerous times. You might particularly want to do this practice when you are feeling upset, confused, or despondent. It is likely that you will find this exercise to be quite liberating.

Give yourself some time to think about how you can find a sense of calmness amidst all of the ongoing changes in life that you do not fully understand. Rather than attempting to rush into an action or an answer, take a moment to breathe into a sense of feeling yourself fully in the moment.

If for some reason this practice proves a bit more difficult than you were planning on, you can try again later. Sometimes when we are in the process of learning something new, we find that what we have learned in the past impedes us from learning something new in the moment.

Friday, October 21, 2005

The Guys: On Fear Regarding Health

"Look well into thyself.
There is a source of strength which will always spring up
if thou wilt always look there."
~ Marcus Aurelius Antoninus ~

This is a transcript of a session done with someone facing a possibly serious illness.

Client: I've been really worried about my health. There's recurring pain, I'm thinking the worse case... like cancer. Mentally I'm saying it's OK it's really nothing, don't get all worked up. It's that part of me that expects the worst that's the problem.

GUYS: We would encourage you to not tell yourself what is or isn't the case when you don't know. Doing that doesn't work when you're frightened because you'll argue with it. There's a rational Adult part of you that's going to say "well you can't know that", and that part of you will be right. So it undermines the very process of calming yourself. The key is not "oh no it won't happen". The key is: "I can deal with whatever happens." That's what will calm you.

When you're a "fear based personality" everything is potentially frightening. The first response to something new or unexpected is always fear. What you need to learn is that it's not your first response that counts. It's your second response.

Your first response may be fear for the rest of your life. If you know that, and get comfortable with it, then you can discount your first response and see what the second response, or the third response is. It will usually be something that puts you into a space where you can get calm and reasonable about what's happening.

It might go like this:
"OK, I have preferences. I would prefer for whatever it is that I'm afraid is happening, not to happen. I have other plans for myself that don't really include that. But if it does happen, I can cope with it, I can deal with it, I can manage it. I have coped with and managed so much already in my life, that I can deal with this."

The tragedy of childhood is not the pain, is not the confusion,... it is the loss of self-trust. That's one of the things that gets triggered and produces fear when something comes up. The Kid genuinely believes that you're not trustworthy and that you cannot and should not trust yourself to be able to handle a situation when it's difficult.

Actually, there couldn't be anything further from the truth. The very fact that you are sitting here having this conversation means that you are imminently trustworthy... that you are ultimately reliable and that you are beyond capable... you're nearly superhuman, if you really take into consideration what you've had to manage and cope with, and the duration and the severity of it. Whatever it is that may be going on now is certainly workable.

Client: When I feel pain I go wacko and I've been in alot of physical pain the last few weeks.

GUYS: Its very reasonable and smart to do something about that and you have the capacity to find out what to do.

Client: OK, so besides my health, I've been worrying about money. So my first response is fear, then I keep remembering that everything always works out, I won't be destitute.

GUYS: Again do yourself a favor and put that in past tense rather then future tense. You're going to have a part of you that won't believe you if you put it in future tense. There's a massive discrepancy between what you're trying to learn and understand in these sessions about staying in the present, and what you're telling yourself to soothe yourself.

So, you might say instead: "I have never run out of money, I have always managed, no matter how bad things were they have always worked out for the best. I have no data or information to indicate that it shouldn't continue to be so."

See how clean that is? Completely honest and no magical thinking, no fortune telling, no projecting out into the future. It's just best guess, best shot. You can't know what's going to happen, that's not the point, no one can know what's going to happen at this point.

But, you can take yourself seriously and recognize that you are someone of massive capability, wondrous intelligence, with a deep desire and intention to take good care of yourself... that you will do the best that you can to act on your own behalf, as soon as you figure out what it is. So then that will kind of guide you into the right direction which means .."well I can't know what's going to happen but I can try and figure out what I think is the best way to take care of myself in this situation."

This is very difficult. The kind of things that you were told as a child when you were afraid made no sense whatsoever and when you're frightened and upset you have a tendency to say things to yourself that make no sense whatsoever. It's habitual. Somehow you were supposed to have been soothed by something that made no sense. Now you figure you're supposed to be soothed by saying things to yourself that make no sense.

Client: Makes sense, I just do these mind trips on myself.

GUYS: Please understand that when you're frightened the natural and normal course of events for you is to go in and try to do what has worked in the past. When you don't know what to do, you look to what you've already done. But, if you're frightened enough, the Kid will come in and take over that whole process. She'll tell you what you should look at and do/not do again, based on a premise of there being something very wrong with you. The Adult would examine the whole thing differently.

There's a way of thinking in a crisis that is habitual... that the Kid has always done. She says the best thing to do is to get really, really scared because that will motivate you to make sure that you do the right thing otherwise, ....." you are sooooooo lazy and you are just so worthless and useless, that you are not going to do anything and then it'll be too late and it'll all be your fault because you're just plain wrong."

That's basically the Kid's message in one form or another. Whatever you are is bad, and the only way that you can get yourself to do something good is by being mean to yourself. Where did you learn that?... Home!

Now your Adult has a whole other set of opinions about this very thing. It goes more like: .."If I'm nervous and confused about what's happening in my body what is the best way to motivate myself to check it out? Get mean? Beat the hell out of myself and scare myself so badly that I basically become paralyzed? I don't think so. What else can I do? Call a friend, get more information. Then, think about what I've done in the past that has helped me feel better, I can go through my medical history and see if this hooks up with anything I'm familiar with, there are thousands of things I can do that would be more productive than beating the hell out of myself."

Now, you can recognize the Adult in that, can't you?

Client: Yes. And it's gotten better. I've been sleeping so much, so tired..

GUYS: How grown up of you to recognize that and do something about it.

Client: I've been like the wind this past week, blowing all over the place;.

GUYS: Yes. If you think that that means something bad about you, and is a sign of things going downhill from here, then you're going to be frightened when you go through these periods of being slightly overwhelmed, confused and upset.

But if you recognize that you're in a PROCESS of changing these automatic responses,'re not somebody who's already done that,.. then you're going to see it as an opportunity to practice getting off your case. You can't get too much practice getting off your case. There's no single thing that you can do that is more productive then to stop blaming yourself and stop scaring yourself about what's wrong with you.

It is the single most productive thing, because once that's out of the way then there's a space to think about what actually is happening. When that's in the way, all you're thinking about is everything you've done wrong,...and that you could do wrong. Then you end up in this pool of energy that is more depleting and less useful then anything you could do. That includes watching TV for 48 hours and eating junk.

There's very few things that we could think of that would be more of a waste of your energy. You could lie in bed all day reading comic books, watch TV etc... and be better served then spending anymore time beating yourself up. There is virtually no value in it for you.

Now, there are a few people we would not say that to. There are some people who take refuge in blaming others for everything, never once think it might be their fault or something they're not thinking clearly about. So we have to point them in the direction of recognizing what it is that's keeping them from looking at their own culpability. But you're not one of them.

Client: No, I'm an expert at beating myself up.

GUYS: You could teach it.

Client: Sometimes I think that what's going on with me physically is a direct result of how I mentally batter myself. I woke up in so much pain that I went and got a massage and just by doing that it cleared up somewhat.

GUYS: Excellent. You can see that when the adult takes a look at what's going on, and goes looking into the history for what to do when you're in pain, that's the thing that the adult will reach for. Hmmm, the last time I was in this much pain I went and got a massage and it helped.

When the child goes looking into your history to try and figure out what to do-all it finds is all the things you've done wrong.... "This is just like the last time I felt this bad, I've always felt this bad, nothing has felt good...not ever! I don't remember ever feeling good, I must be nuts or in denial, ..whatever made me think I was making progress. Otherwise this wouldn't be happening." And it just builds from there.

It builds that way because the child doesn't know that there's nothing wrong with you.

...Guess who has to know that in order to educate the child that there's nothing wrong with you.