Friday, November 25, 2005

The Guys: On The Hierarchical Game

All great truths begin as blasphemies.
~George Bernard Shaw~

This session started on another topic entirely, and then took a sharp turn into the New Age concept of "having it all". The following ensued.

GUYS: In the "New Age" Game, which is a Hierarchical Sub-Game, it was drilled in to you that YOU,... a finite being by design ...should aspire to being infinite. That's part of the Hierarchical' Game's goofball system. Do you understand. .

Client: yes.

GUYS: Within the Hierarchy, there's pretending going on. Anything to keep you feeling inadequate will be thrown into the equation. What could be more limiting, in terms of your own sense of authority and life, than to tell you that you should be able to "have it all"? Considering that you chose to come into a reality whose whole purpose was limits and boundaries, will not be able to do that.

Client: There's something wrong..

GUYS: Exactly. See, isn't that cool? The Hierarchcal Game is brilliant. The more you look into it, the more you see how meticulous, how flawlessly it's put together. It has a purpose, it has a reason for being, and it has all kinds of supportive structures that support the reason for it being. It's a great game. You're just sick and tired of it. It's a "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt".... Puleeease.... You already know what's gonna happen. Any scenario you can imagine...

Client: I could figure it out.

GUYS: It's like reading a new a mystery or novel that has an ongoing character. If you follow it for long enough, you can almost always anticipate what's going to happen... Can you see how it gets boring? The thrill is gone. OK?

So the challenge in the Transition, for you right now, is to separate out the Kid from the Adult. Everything to be done that will take you toward being exquisitely happy, profoundly content, and truly engaged in being here.... the Adult can do, and the kid just can't. The kid can't play this game because it's too scary....(Guys whine here...) "There are no rules, how do you know what to do, who will come and take care of us, what if... " and it goes on like that.

Client: Laughter

GUYS: Because an Adult can deal with all the consequences of her actions, and knows you are completely safe right now, ...holy moly, you are so supported it's silly... even if you die, you win. This is a no-lose system, There is nothing to lose. it's a GAME.

So the Adult is completely capable of wrapping their intellect around the idea that you're safe if it's a game, the Kid is not. That's why, as we explain concepts, we ask so often if you understand. We want to first make sure that you do, that you're in conscious agreement with what we're saying, and not warping yourself somehow in order to agree.

If there's a place inside you that doesn't agree, let's work it through till you come to understanding. You see, we're not trying to trick you into anything that isn't real, We're trying to help you see what's happening here. So it's like that old Plato thing - people semi-blinded coming out of the cave saying "uh-oh, what is that scary shadow over there?" We're here to say "Oh, that's O.K., that's just a tree. You're safe." ..."Are you sure? -... what's a tree?"

So as you bring your disagreement, your confusion your skepticism to the table we can tell you, "Sure, it makes sense that you would think or feel thus and such, but look at it this way, doesn't that change things?"... "Well, if you put it that way." And the reason that we can do that is because we don't depend on your taking a leap of faith intellectually into anything. Every case that we make we can make out of your own experiences... before we even came on the scene. Follow?

Client: Absolutely...that's my experience.

Guys: There's nothing that we're presenting to you that doesn't already have a support system based on things that you've already experienced. What we do is adjust the dials so that you can see it for what it really is, not for what the Hierarchy tells you it is. And this is fun for us and for you.

So you don't have to pretend anymore that there's an absolute criteria for anything. Or, that there's a God outside of you... and it's not you. You don't have to pretend that you have to work really hard to earn your way off the planet. You can stay here and play as long as you want and then when you're tired, you can go. Whenever you want. You don't have to pretend death is bad, and all illness is bad, and loss is bad, and that there's nothing to be gained from pain. You don't have to pretend that you hate to cry. You don't have to pretend that sadness has no virtue. You don't have to pretend you don't understand what's going on here.

Client: It becomes pretty obvious.

GUYS: Excellent. All right? That'll give you something to chew on for a while. As always, it's our pleasure..and Good Day.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

The Guys: On Staying in the Present

"The significant problems we face

cannot be solved at the same level of thinking
we were at when we created them."
~Albert Einstein~

This was part of a session with someone wanting to move to a warmer climate and having some stuff come up with the Kid about just exploring the options first.

The conversation started out entirely about moving (not included here) but quickly got to the usefulness of staying in the present.

GUYS: One of the hardest things for you to do, in general, is stay in the present. Your fear and your intelligence make you a superbly good neurotic planner, schemer, workaround artist. You know what we mean by that?

Client: Yes

GUYS: And that is the very thing you are trying to break away from by using this as an opportunity to do something you want to do, and dis-invest from the expectation, anticipation or desire to know what the outcome will be...then to systematically keep bringing your energy back into the present. Because what is in the present with you is what you want. See that's very clear, it's all over your energy. There's a part of you saying, "I just want to go, I just want to see it. I just want to know. It doesn't matter what they say, I just want to go." Do you have a sense of that?

Client: Yes, And I have not a clue where it comes from.

GUYS: Exactly.

Client: The Kid got all excited. "Oh let's go!! let's go!!, it will solve everything."

GUYS: What we're saying to you, the Adult, is - "don't bank on that". You as an Adult have already decided, and told her, "I don't care what you think, we're not packing up and moving."

Client: And it's also the Kid in me that's afraid of moving?

GUYS: Yes. Anything that isn't perfect is bad news to the Kid. To the Adult there is no bad news. You go and find out. If it's not what you hoped, you don't have to move there. That's good news, because if you don't go, you'll wonder if you should have gone, and wonder if there really was something special there.

This is really just a matter of recognizing that part of what an Adult can do is go there & find out. You don't have to guess. You don't have to trust. Although you CAN, ... you CAN guess and you CAN trust, ...but you don't HAVE to. Why? Because you can live with the consequences of your choices. And the reason that you're going is because you're really counting on that. Plus, you really stretch yourself. You understand? There's no way that you can lose by going, except if you let the Kid run the trip, or take over the agenda, and then let her drag you down into the muck.

Client: OK, it's very exciting.

GUYS: Think about this. Trying to organize, in advance, how to deal with this is the way the Kid would approach this. She thinks: "EEEEEK I'm gonna go there and I'm not going to know what to do. ...What can I do when I get there so that I'll know... I have to know that NOW!"

Client: Laughter

GUYS: Now notice, the Adult loves this, the kid hates this. As an Adult this is a hoot. You're thinking this stuff, completely committed to the logic of it, and yet it makes no sense based on what it is you're trying to do, within this context. So to have this kind of internal EEEEK-ing going on is a riot.

We would suggest to you that the kind of questions you could ask yourself have to do about being here and now. "What am I feeling? What am I doing with what I'm feeling? What do I want right now? And as the waves of feeling and information start to surface, notice which is the Kid and which is the adult. "How can I begin to tell the difference between the Kid feelings and thoughts and the Adult feelings and thoughts?" You could be doing that right now.

Client: And this is where it gets hard for me. So like, for example, the answer comes into my mind: I want to live where it's warmer and has warm water. So I could get that by living in Hawaii, or living in Florida or buying a hot tub.

GUYS: Yes, but you see, the question is, "what do I want NOW?"

Client: Uh huh.

GUYS: Now. In this room. This is not about Hawaii, this is not about warm climate. This is about what do I want ...

Client: RIGHT NOW?? I'd still rather be swimming in warm water!

GUYS: Would you rather be swimming in warm water than be here?

Client: Well, at this moment, no.

GUYS: That's what we're talking about NOW. We're not talking about some vague now that encompasses between now and Christmas.

Client: Not even between now and 10 o'clock tonight?


Client: I know, I know. You're drawing a line in the sand.

GUYS: All right, so right now you might want a drink a water. If you're sitting at your computer, and suddenly you go, "Now - what do I want right now?" "I need a stretch. Or I need to stop looking at this screen. I want to go outside for a bit." So, these questions the Adult is dealing with now, they're like little, itty bitty finite things. Very finite.

Talking about now. the Kid has no sense of this kind of... because.. all or nothing, now or never, on or off... So when the Kid thinks about now, the Kid is thinking about forever, so if you don't get what you want forever now, you will never have it. Which is where all that "oh my god, I have to do something... I have to do something right now" comes from.

Client: Damn! ...I should know this by now! I've been working on exactly this for a long time.

GUYS: Come on now, ..we know we make this sound extremely simple. It is extremely simple for us. But that's because we're not complicated in our vision by having been living with this Kid the way you have.... and processing information in this manner for as long you've been alive.

So it's very easy for us. It's the same as if you were to stroll up to Guadalupe and Montezuma, and meet a tourist there, and they ask you "Where's the Zia Diner?" You say "it's right over there." Now they've been walking back and forth and haven't seen it. But you knew exactly where to look for., Why? ...because you're very familiar with this territory. You're not thinking you might be lost, you're not thinking it might not be here, you're not thinking you've got the wrong map. You know this territory - there's the diner.

So for you, going to the Zia Diner is as simple as for us saying, "That's not an adult, that's a kid. You don't mean that, you mean this." And you're saying "Why didn't I think of that?" Because you think you might be lost. OK So we know this territory very well, it's crystal clear, it's like Guadalupe and Montezuma. All right?

Client: OK.

GUYS: how are you feeling? What's going on here? What do you want RIGHT NOW?"

Client: Well, right now I want to go pee...

GUYS: Excellent. So what might stop you from getting up to go pee?

Client: well, that it isn't urgent, that I'm taking up time, that I might miss something. I can sort through that.

GUYS: Can you see that this is the Kid ?

Client: Yes! [gets up and goes to bathroom]

GUYS: OK, let's continue right in this vein because it's so perfect. So, that's what would stop you as a Kid from getting up to go pee. What might stop you as an Adult from getting up to go pee?

Client: Well, umm, well first answer is nothing, but maybe

GUYS: Not What would stop you, but what MIGHT stop you? What might be going on in addition...

Client: If I was interested in something and it wasn't that urgent to go pee, and I had a preference to continue.

GUYS: Excellent, excellent. SO can you see that, what would stop you from fulfilling one want is another want that you want more.

Client: : Well that's what I think the Adult world is.

GUYS: So, not getting certain wants might actually be a choice because you have other wants that you want more. The Kid will look at the same scenario and think that not getting the "lesser" wants is a loss, rather than a choice. Kids are like that.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The Guys -On The Transition as a Game

Reality is not only stranger than we suppose
but stranger than we can suppose.
~J. B. S. Haldane~

Here's more on The Transition, and at the end a little excerpt from another session on staying the present.

Guys: Staying in the present is almost like a treasure hunt. That's what it feels like. And that's what the Transition is about. Getting you out of a scripted game and ready for a treasure hunt game, an ..."Improvisational Game". See, an "improvisation" is like a treasure hunt - you don't know what you're going to say...then you say it, but you don't know what's going to happen next. And then the other character says something, it's not scripted, so nobody knows what they're going to say. And it's not until you hear what's been said that you have any idea what's going to come next.

So it's basically taking your clues moment by moment, and waiting until the next clue shows up. You can't do this in a hierarchical game or a scripted game - that's not what the rules are all about. You can't do that in either of those games because there is always an external director, an agenda ... an external goal.

In an improvisation there's no director - everybody's equal. As a group, they decide what the game is going to be, and as individuals, they decide for themselves what they're going to do. They don't have to agree. It's a free for all.

That can only happen when know you're safe and you know that you don't need a leader. You don't need a "god" that is someone other than you to make sure that you do the "right" thing - see the "right" thing at the "right" time.

In the hierarchy, if you don't don't follow the script/director/god not only will you lose your place in the script but you'll jeopardize the entire game for everyone else and you'll piss them off, they may lose their places and then everyone will rot in hell and it'll be YOUR fault.

All right? - but breaking out of that game, ..that "your fault" game...and becoming comfortable playing an "Improvisational Game",... that treasure hunt game.. requires a transition. For that there is "The Transition Game", and this is it.

It's about getting comfort able staying out of the future and in the present. Getting familiar with who you really are, and who you're not so you can stop trying to be who you are not. Getting more information that you can work with about what your place is in the scheme of things ...really. Not in the evolutionary scheme of things or the karmic scheme of things, but in the actual scheme of things. Understanding how VERY safe you are. What really is going on here for you. What are the real rules are and aren't while you are here in the body. And so on...OK?

So understand, the Transition game is not the Improvisational game. You're going to practice improvising, ...but within a structure. That's what the Transition is for. So there are parts of it that are very free, and parts that require some kind of structure.

Meanwhile you're safe, so you don't have to worry about your safety. The Universe supports your transition 100%. You are completely safe. There is no aspect of you that is ever abandoned. Never has been, never will be. You are not on your own. You have a really good "spiritual support staff" that really love their jobs. You are not an imposition, You are not a chore, Nobody's going out of their way for you. They are just loving this whole thing, loving it! Watching what you do, watching where you go, how you think, how you stumble and how you pick yourself up. No draftees - everybody's a volunteer. So with this kind of support staff, all volunteers, all real happy, you get a chance to, in your own way at your own pace, clear the hierarchy out of your energy... psychologically, socially, spiritually...and deeply understand that "you are the divine incarnate walking the earth" and thus gain a willingness to surrender into your soul as being yourself. Make sense?

So in this process the Transition provides you enough support and structure that you can practice a little improvisation and discover... Hummmm... nobody shot you, the world didn't cave in, and everybody's fine even though you're not playing the way you used to.

Staying in the present...

Guys: If you can get more exercised in going, "Oh, this is interesting" when something happens... instead of "Oh, I bet this means this, and this means that, this must mean this, then I'll do this and then this will happen..."

If you can just go, "Oh, this is interesting, What am I feeling here? Curiosity? Interest? What do I want to do about this?" and keep bringing everything back into the present, back into the present. Because what's in the present, is everything you need to take your next step. Your next single step. When you take that step, everything that you need to take the next step will be delivered Special Delivery, to you one else, directly into your hand, so that you will know what you need to do next.

And when you do the next thing, you will keep getting Special Delivery packages, full of all of the information you need for the moment,... for your next move. So it's basically taking your clues moment by moment, and waiting until the next clue shows up.

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Guys: On Being Alone

Chance knocks at the door more often than we think,
but most of the time nobody is home.
– Will Rogers

I love how this client comment was phrased...and what came of it.
The Guys started out talking about "being alone" and then segued into "reality is always enough". Interestingly, this was a subject they spoke about quite a bit when they first came through. I hope to dig out more and will post it when I find it.

Client:: I used to be so frantic to arrange things in my life, especially to not be alone, and now it's like, I want to be alone. There're very few people now that I know of who I care to spend any time with. I choose solitude.

GUYS: Everyone we work with that gets to this point in their process where the scales shift, the balance tilts from everyone being important, to a real appreciation of your own value. They lose some friends. This just happens. It's not because people are abandoning them, they are actually abandoning people, and the people that they're abandoning are either confused, or reluctant, or relieved, or whatever. There are often various reactions. But the energy is a pulling away energy. It has to happen that way because you have to get a real familiarity with your own company, and your own energy, before you can be clear about who, or what, will supplement it or enhance it. And then it really becomes a supplement to you, not a replacement for you.

Reality is always enough. It's more than enough. What is real is sooo exciting and sooo juicy! Society is confused right now because it is being told that what is "real" is mundane, and boring, and typical... but that you should be special somehow. And, in order to be really special, you have to lead or leave the pack. You have to shine, have to make a mark on the world, have to stand out, have to create something so magnificent that the world will shower you with rewards.

So when you break that trance of believing in this hyped Shangri-La and really stop and take a close look at what is real in your life, what relationships are real, what are you surrounded by, and what is real about you.... you start to get "real" picky. - “I like my bike and riding it more than I like being with this person.” “I like my house this way, and if you don't like it, too bad. You want it another way you do it your way at your house. This suits me fine”.

And then you literally start shedding the old voices that said "you should care, should matter, ...what will people think?... what will people do with what they think?" Those voices get more and more muted. Then sometimes another voice comes up as those others are muted... it says "uh-oh, I don't know what I'm doing!"

But that's reality also... that's a fact, you don't always know what you're doing. The bad news is - that scares you ...habitually. The good news is that you don't always need to know what you're doing. You're fine. You'll figure it out. You've figured things out before, you can figure this out, too. AND, you have a right not to know. Many people may be grateful, and even find it soothing, to hear you say "I don't know" out loud.

Friday, November 04, 2005

The Guys -On Intimacy

"Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

The Guys have always defined intimacy differently than the culture. It's not about sex, romance, or even's about honest communication. The willingness to know yourself and be known by the other. And, the willingness to know the other... really. Here's one way they have explained it.

Intimacy is about being willing to know the truth, tell the truth, and then stand there, (meaning wait, ..for however long it takes, wait) while the other person hears your truth and processes it. And then be there ...willing to hear their truth. Then take the time you need to know the truth about what you have heard. Then be willing to tell the truth about that.

* Know your truth...Take the time that you need to think about that.

* Then tell that truth

* Be there and be willing to wait till the other person processes your truth.
That’s a really important step. Give them all the time they need.

* Then really be willing to hear what they believe, ...what their truth is.

And then be willing to do the other thing that’s really hard...
*Take the time that you need to think about it, so you can come to your own truth about their truth.

*Then be willing to tell that.

And it goes back and forth in that way, from one deep truth to another, creating intimacy.