Monday, November 14, 2005

The Guys: On Being Alone

Chance knocks at the door more often than we think,
but most of the time nobody is home.
– Will Rogers

I love how this client comment was phrased...and what came of it.
The Guys started out talking about "being alone" and then segued into "reality is always enough". Interestingly, this was a subject they spoke about quite a bit when they first came through. I hope to dig out more and will post it when I find it.

Client:: I used to be so frantic to arrange things in my life, especially to not be alone, and now it's like, I want to be alone. There're very few people now that I know of who I care to spend any time with. I choose solitude.

GUYS: Everyone we work with that gets to this point in their process where the scales shift, the balance tilts from everyone being important, to a real appreciation of your own value. They lose some friends. This just happens. It's not because people are abandoning them, they are actually abandoning people, and the people that they're abandoning are either confused, or reluctant, or relieved, or whatever. There are often various reactions. But the energy is a pulling away energy. It has to happen that way because you have to get a real familiarity with your own company, and your own energy, before you can be clear about who, or what, will supplement it or enhance it. And then it really becomes a supplement to you, not a replacement for you.

Reality is always enough. It's more than enough. What is real is sooo exciting and sooo juicy! Society is confused right now because it is being told that what is "real" is mundane, and boring, and typical... but that you should be special somehow. And, in order to be really special, you have to lead or leave the pack. You have to shine, have to make a mark on the world, have to stand out, have to create something so magnificent that the world will shower you with rewards.

So when you break that trance of believing in this hyped Shangri-La and really stop and take a close look at what is real in your life, what relationships are real, what are you surrounded by, and what is real about you.... you start to get "real" picky. - “I like my bike and riding it more than I like being with this person.” “I like my house this way, and if you don't like it, too bad. You want it another way you do it your way at your house. This suits me fine”.

And then you literally start shedding the old voices that said "you should care, should matter, ...what will people think?... what will people do with what they think?" Those voices get more and more muted. Then sometimes another voice comes up as those others are muted... it says "uh-oh, I don't know what I'm doing!"

But that's reality also... that's a fact, you don't always know what you're doing. The bad news is - that scares you ...habitually. The good news is that you don't always need to know what you're doing. You're fine. You'll figure it out. You've figured things out before, you can figure this out, too. AND, you have a right not to know. Many people may be grateful, and even find it soothing, to hear you say "I don't know" out loud.


At 7:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been getting more comfortable with being alone. It's comforting to have this blog. supports my process. thank you.I like the not knowing exercise.the mention of it in this post. The next step for freedom.

At 8:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! This sure rings true. Thanks for blogging this one. XXOO M


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