Friday, July 29, 2005

The Guys: On Being Safe

"Look to the day with quiet eyes and an open heart
for this day is alive with wonder and
blessed with miracles."
~ unknown~

This is another session transcript. I've left out the beginning because it's too revealing of the client's identity, so it starts mid-way in the conversation.

The Guys:
Why do you think are you so exhausted?

Client: Because I’m fighting something.. I don’t know...

The Guys:
Exactly. You're fighting it because you’re forgetting that you’re SAFE!

Client: (tears) I think I just remembered….

The Guys:
So when you get upset. When you get frazzled. When you get overloaded… it’s because you're forgetting that you’re safe! That kid will tell you something’s going wrong here… “Danger, danger, danger, danger!”

You see, we have nothing but respect. We look at all of you and go, “How do you DO it?” You can do it because you’re all masters. You’re masters playing a "Master's Game". This is a master’s game. Don’t forget that. There are NO NEW SOULS here. The whole idea that this is some kind of kindergarten is so laughable… we’ve said this to you before… that’s so goofy! Beyond goofy! But within the hierarchy… well, they can peddle that and get away with it because it's part of that game. But stepping out of the hierarchy, it’s nonsense. This is a masters’ game.

Client: Everyone on the planet ia a Master?

The Guys:
No exceptions. It doesn’t matter whether you like what they’re doing, or don’t like it. Fear it, or don’t fear it. Agree with it, or don’t agree with it. Envy it or don’t envy it. It just doesn’t matter. Everyone is a master playing a masters’ game. No exceptions. There’s not ONE exception. Unless you're a master, you can’t get in. It’s kind of like "you have to be this tall" to get on a ride at the amusement park! All right?

So these are very important things for you to actually refresh yourself with. That’s why we say, “Every breath you take, every move you make is about the Transition and nothing else. You’re here because you want to be here. You’re here because you CAN be here. You have built the muscle to be here! And you are utterly, completely, inescapably safe!

Client: Ooh, the kid gets confused here.

The Guys:
Very confused… Which is why, again, it’s very important for YOU not to be confused about that. And to have that front and center in your mind. So, in the Transition, consciousness is everything. What you do, what you don’t do is irrelevant because everything that you do or don’t do… every choice you make or don’t make… for whatever reason, is about the Transition and nothing else.

The Transition is about enhancing your consciousness of who you are and who you’re not! Because who you are is the divine incarnate walking the earth, no “if, ands or buts!” Whether you feel like it or not doesn’t matter . You ARE it. All it! No fractions. No decimal points. All right?

Excellent. It's our pleasure, as always, and good day.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Mid-Night Message

"A moment's insight
is sometimes worth
a life's experience."
~Oliver Wendell Holmes~

I had the oddest experience the other the middle of the night. I came to consciousness for just a moment with a sentence in my head. It didn't have a preamble or a commentary afterward... just the sentence, then went back to sleep. I remembered it clearly in the morning.

"What if you stopped trying to fit in
and started being who you are?"

Wild, huh?.... Ava

Friday, July 22, 2005

Session - Parenting -caring - honesty, Cont.

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones,
there is always another chance for you.
What we call failure is not the falling down
but the staying down.
-- Mary Pickford --

The Guys:
OK, so with no blame or criticism involved here, let's just look at the data.

You have one powerful daughter. Can you see that, at her Mother's knee, she learned that women are supposed to be a certain way? She learned to operate in ways that have turned her into a manipulator rather than a co-operator. Do you understand what we mean by that?

Client: I think so, I mean I can see it happening.

The Guys:
So it's that space of using her power to get other people do things for her, rather than using her power to get what she wants for herself.

Client: O.K. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I see that...because it's worked. I've responded to that.

The Guys:
Of course! So that's taking the innate natural power that she's got and turning it into weakening her. It would take her much much less energy, to make things happen for herself, then to get other people to make them for her. But... she doesn't have that as a natural response system. The clearer that you are about that, the less guilty you will feel and the easier it will be for you to respond honestly.

Historically, within your society, most people have not understood that you can say "No"... and with a smile and an open heart, even say "Who do you think I am, your slave?" You can do that without feeling malice or victimization. And, you can call someone on their nonsense without being remotely disrespectful or mean spirited.

Client: Yes exactly, I know I have occasionally said to my children, when they were going through a crappy stage, "look, I love you, that's a given, nothing's ever going to change that no matter what you do, but that doesn't mean I like you right now, or like you're behavior".

The Guys:
Yes, so you already have some of that.

Client: I have been so dependent on their love, all my life, (as I said in the beginning when I first started talking to you), that's how I set my life up. OK, I have these children and they have to love me. I have been so dependent, up until now, on them loving me and liking me.

The Guys:
And that holds true for other people in your life as well. So it's a useful place for you to really think about what we said at the beginning. Remember?..."What people think, what people want, what people say about you,.. it's not about you, it's about them. It's not information about you, it's information about them."

And if you get clear about that, then you really get an opportunity to see how people are functioning and what the world looks like through their eyes. Having that independence really allows you to very easily have detachment, and then be capable of, very cleanly and simply, giving them the gift of your vantage point. Meaning:
What the world looks like from where you stand.
What their behavior feels like from where you stand.
What their potential looks like from where you stand.
And you can do all that without feeling an inclination to hold back and protect them from you.

So it all keeps coming back to the same little pieces, can you see that? The part of you that wants to really be able to tell the truth, has to first feel comfortable knowing the truth about you.

In order to do that, you have to get comfortable with the fact that you are neurotic. Well- Duh! And, "so what?" How could you possibly have escaped becoming neurotic in this culture? All right? So you're neurotic! Big deal. Your children are neurotic, you're employers are neurotic, your teachers are neurotic. If you don't see any shame in that for yourself, then you are going to be very comfortable with other people's neurosis and not be inclined to protect them from yours.

So do you kind of see what we are getting at here? If you start from the premise that you're neurotic and so is everyone else, "so what?". You're prejudiced and so are others, "so what?". You're confused and confusing, and so are others, "so what?". Then it just becomes a matter of naming the particular neurosis and prejudice. "This is my prejudice, I don't like to be around people that use that kind of language." or "I don't like to be around that much energy." or "I am not wild about this pressure." or "I would really prefer not to do that. I don't know why, I don't how, I don't care, I just don't want to." It all becomes reasonable... rather than have to justify it, as if you weren't neurotic, weren't confused, and weren't prejudiced.

Client: That's a muscle that I'm going to have to learn to use.

The Guys:
Do you want to?

Client: Yes!

The Guys:
Excellent, isn't that interesting? When you want to do something, ... "have to" takes on a different meaning and it isn't ominous. This is what it's going to take for you to get what you want, AND it actually could be fairly entertaining.

Try to really look at your reality... meaning:
Who you are, Who you're children are, Who you're employers are, Who these people are.. these men in you're life.

Look from an understanding that everyone is equally powerful at a soul level, and that there is no hierarchy in terms of capacity or vulnerability. Then you can see that your children picked you because they wanted the experience of being with you when you went through these things. They knew that they would not get Donna Reed. Do you understand? Donna Reed who was married and everything was Hunky Dory and everyone lived happily ever after.

Your children knew it was not going to be that way. They knew that you would to be going through difficult emotional times and that it would impact on them. They wanted to be impacted that way. As they watch you change, can you see how useful it is for them to learn that they too can change their minds and start operating in a different way? And that can happen even though they have been operating in a certain way for a long long time. They're getting to watch you do that and really see it. If you can change, they can change.

So if you use that kind of filter, and look at everyone in your life, you can see them as being actively engaged in a process for themselves. You actually facilitate their process by just being who you are, exactly as you are, no changes. Which means that the way you have been in the past has served everyone that has met you. They wanted you that way. If not, they would not have shown up at that point in your life.

Now, as you are making these shifts for yourself in your own being, there will be people showing up in your life who want to be engaged with you at each particular stage. So there's no one that you can harm. No one will show up who doesn't want you exactly the way that you are at that stage, and even that moment. Your children, especially, want to go through this transformative process with you. It's truly useful for them.

Excellent. All right, it's our pleasure as always...and good day.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Session - Parenting -caring - honesty, Part 1

“If I care about people, I can love them.
If I care about what people think of me,
I am afraid to love them.
I cannot care about people and care about
what they think of me at the same time."

~Lee Gibson~

*This session was with a single parent of adolescent children. The introduction is too personal to include, but I think you'll have no problem just jumping in here:

The Guys:
If you go into this process as an exercise in your own power, not because you need anything from them, then you have an opportunity to show this Kid within you that things are not the way they were, even recently, never mind a long time ago. And it gives you a chance to become more authoritative and more consequential in your own dynamic. You see that Kid-part of you that automatically comes in and tells you what you can and can't say, is who you want to use the "so what" dynamic on.

Client: Oh! O.K. !

The Guys:
O.K. so they're upset, "so what"! So they're pissed at me, "so what". So they says this is all because of me, "so what"! It doesn't mean it's true. And it doesn't mean I care.

Client: Laughter

The Guys:
Now notice how that makes you laugh? That laugh is the laugh of freedom. It's the release from the constraints that the Kid thought were the norm and that you would have to get used to and live with. But the fact of the matter is there is nothing you have to get used to and live with if you don't want to.

You can have all kinds of cranky feelings... all kinds of unacceptable feelings someone else's standards, and no one can do anything to you any more. You have power and authority. That makes you a consequential person ...and that doesn't mean that no-one can try and do anything to you ...but you're not the patsy you used to be. So some-one can try to intimidate you or guilt trip you or over power you emotionally, but you don't have to deal with that. You don't have to lie down and just let it happen. The more detachment you get from these people you are used to prioritizing over yourself, the easier it will be for you to see that everything that is going on is really about them and not about you.

That creates the space where you can take everything under advisement, based on your standards, your priorities, your desires, ...and that includes your children. So granted that you really wish that your children had gotten more of a break. And granted that you wish you had been capable of providing more for them and had been the avenue for them to get a break. The fact is that you could not do that. It's not that you would not, you were not capable of it.

So they're living with a system that was put into place that they had no control over and you, too, had no control over in a sense, so no one is at fault here, they're not at fault, but it's important for you to know that you're not at fault. And, the situation being what it is, there are certain things that only they can do. No matter how much you wish that you could do it for them, obviously it's on their plate to do it. You didn't mean to put it there but there it is and they're the only ones who can deal with it.

That being the case you have to determine, from the most clear adult and conscious place in you, what you want to help them with and what you don't want to help them with. So apart from this "so what" energy, that it's important for you to get comfortable with... run the idea and the thoughts that you have of helping them through these questions:
"Am I contributing to the weakening of these people by behaving this way?"
"Am I protecting them from me?"

Client: Could we clarify that, "am I protecting them from me?" You talked about this before. What am I afraid of... what is it about me that I am protecting them from?

The Guys:
The truth of who you are! So that part of you which is the Kid, that thinks it's bad to not care about everything and everyone, is protecting people from knowing that you don't care about everyone and everything,... you're protecting people from the part of you thinks that they are being irresponsible or lazy or manipulating you, and that you don't like it.

You know ...that part of you that can get cranky, overworked and irritable?...Well the Kid within you thinks that you shouldn't get cranky overworked and irritable. And if you do that's your problem and you shouldn't make it other peoples problem. Your Kid is protecting them from the truth that you are human you are limited, you get cranky, overworked and irritable.

And that confuses your children because they feel the discrepancy in your energy and interpret it to mean that these things are things that you should be handling, ...not things they should learn to handle and deal with.

Client: So I'm protecting them from the truth that I really have my limits.

The Guys:
You're human, you're limited, you have neurosis and personality flaws, just like anyone else.

Client: God forbid!

The Guys:
And, without meaning to, you give people the impression that you are happy to take responsibility for the things that they should be responsible for. You are telling them, without meaning to, that they shouldn't be responsible for these things ...that you're the one that should be responsible. Now if there is something in fact that is your responsibility, well of course that's true. But you take on other people's responsibility for them, and give them the impression that that's reasonable and normal and that's to be expected of you. You weaken them, you contribute to their willingness to be weaker, because it's easier. You see, it's easier for your children to let you worry about certain things and figure out certain things. It's easier! It's easier for them if you care about things. That make sense to you?

Client: Yes, I have been working on not being so responsible, not taking on... giving stuff back to them, like saying "well what are you going to do about it?" instead of me feeling like I always have to handle everything. We have been hassling with each other more because it's new and it's different, and I struggle with, feeling guilty, or am I doing this right, blah,blah,blah,

The Guys:
Yes, it's reasonable. What makes it harder rather than easier is when this Kid is nagging at you about what you should care about and shouldn't care about, what should be important to you rather than what is important to you. Do you understand? So the clearer you get about that, the easier it's going to be for you to not have any kind of discrepancy in your energy, because it's the discrepancy in your energy that confuses your children. You see that when there is a part of you that says "gee, I wonder if I should be caring about this?"

Client: Yes and they pick up on it.

The Guys:
Exactly! And they get confused, because they are used to you caring about it and they can get on that bandwagon easily. If you go into the "so what" place first, and really look at them as the adults they are, and then really look at them from the position that you want these people to be (powerful in the world and assertive in their own behalf) then you can understand that, for them, those things don't come naturally. Those are muscles that have to be built.

Client: They actually are extremely powerful.

The Guys:
Of course they are.

Client: I mean they are way more powerful than I was at their age, then I ever was. But I understand what you are saying about weakening them through my ambiguity.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Kid 101 - part 3

"The real voyage of discovery
consists not of seeking new landscapes,
but of having new eyes”
~Marcel Proust~

Everything is very simplistic

Notice this. Another difference between a child and an adult, in addition to powerlessness, is that everything in this child’s reality is very simplistic.

A child is on or off, yes or no, black or white, all or nothing, and there’s a simple reason for this. It’s the development of the neurological system in tandem with the access to a variety of experiences, which are limited. So, the child’s experiential world is limited and the neurology is limited. Put those two things together and you have a black and white, simplistic system that gets universalized and extrapolated upon from this itty-bitty corner of black and white. So, you can proceed by understanding that and understanding just these main components.

Ghost Children

What creates a problem for people, that extends into their adult life in such a big way, is usually something incredibly simplistic. The child is not getting something intrinsic that it needs. That’s why it breaks off and becomes this ghost child, so that the rest of the being can go on and hopefully find a way to overcome the problem.

All of the adults that we work with who are dealing with a Kid from the past, have child-parts that basically died. They’re "ghost children". What makes a child want to die, and then actually die (break off from the whole child) is that they recognize that within their environment there is no support for something that is intrinsic to their nature. The child/Kid broke off and died at the point when s/he recognized that one more assault on that place inside of you that required that-intrinsic-something would be so overwhelming that it was possible that the entire being would die. The child/Kid checks out right at that point and takes that intrinsic need with it.

That’s, in a nutshell... the basics of why all of the Kids that we deal with, are ghost children rather than integrated into the being. Because a very important, natural, and intrinsic part of them was not going to be received in their environment. And to have something that is so important to you not recognized and not supported is so painful that you cannot go on, you can’t keep trying. You see, the rebuff, for a child who is powerless, is the equivalent of being run over by a steamroller again and again and again, and you can’t make sense of it.

“Why not? Why can’t I be me? Why don’t you love this about me? Why don’t you think this is important? I think this is important, why don’t you think this is important? There must be something really really awful wrong with me and I’m too stupid to get it.”

That is so painful that continuing to go through that is impossible. So, there’s this little mechanism. It’s kind of like an exit. It’s a little trapdoor; that part moves out and then you can deal with it. You just make that less important. It kind of goes over there and you can forget about it.

It’s very useful for you to see this big picture so that when you get lost in the small picture, (because you get overwhelmed by the Kid's energy coming in and confusing you with his/her brilliance and his/her stratagem) you can get out to the big picture where you can find yourself on the map and notice there are two places to be....Kid or Adult. And then you can make a choice to go to where you are as an adult rather than go to where s/he is, and you once were, as a child.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Kid 101 - part 2

"Your genius can be found in your bad habits."
~Heather Roan-Robbins~

So, basically, the number one component of a child’s reality is its powerlessness.

Because of its powerlessness, it is dependent on the external support system for its survival, which makes the child deeply invested in monitoring for its goodwill. So, you see that the child’s reality goes from powerlessness, to dependence, to monitoring for goodwill. From there, it personalizes into these specific parents that are personal to this particular child. Another child would have different parents. For one child, being quiet may be the way to survival, while to another child, speaking up and showing up may be the way it breaks out here.

So, there’s the impersonal, which is general for all children: powerlessness, dependence, and monitoring for goodwill. Once you go into what is goodwill, then things get very personal and specific to each child. When you’re dealing that way, you’re dealing in fundamental, core issues that are simplified to the lowest efficient, effective, and useful common denominator.

Whatever it is that you can assess from your particular Kid will give you information about your personal history, which is what you’re trying to get at.

"Why am I the way that I am? Why is this Kid bothering me in this way? Why do I feel the way that I do? Why are these things hard for me? Why do I feel so much pressure, urgency, and resistance, whatever that is?"

So, it goes from the general/impersonal, (as a child you had no choice because you were powerless and you had to depend on the goodwill of others for your survival), to the way that it broke out for you, specifically.

The more that you understand that, the easier it is to comfortably bring forward the Adult ...the survivor ...who managed to take you through everything and still accomplish so many of the things that are important to you. How did that happen? The Kid didn’t do that. If the Kid had his way, you would be living next door to your mom, living your life the way that your dad wanted, and doing things the way that the lineage wanted. Now, you are so far away from that. Who did that? It’s that part of you that was independent enough, powerful enough, and strong enough to insist on going against the tide...even with the Kid yapping at you the whole time.

The opportunity in the Transition is to support the Kids in knowing that they can relax now. It’s all over. They were doing this yapping to make sure that you would survive. Well, they've done that, so now they're off the hook.

But if YOU don’t know that it's over, that you've survived and are grown up now, how are you going to convince them that they are off the hook and can relax?

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Kid 101 - part 1

"You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely."
~Ogden Nash~

In this session The Guys explained the difference between Kid and Adult. I'll post more of the transcript at another time.


It's all about Power.
The number one difference between a child and an adult is power. It is what makes a child a child when it’s a problem; power, a child has no power. Anyone bigger than the child can overpower the child.

The child comes with vulnerabilities; intrinsic vulnerabilities which add to its powerlessness and therefore enhance everyone else’s power. So, the vulnerability goes back into a power issue; less power for the child, more power for anyone who is bigger or more competent than him. Back down to power.

Because the child has this problem of powerlessness, the child is smart enough to recognize early on how vulnerable it is ..... it feels its powerlessness ever so much more than people in power feel their power. Which makes sense, because when you’re powerless the impact of being powerless is oppressive. Whereas, you can see with almost all the adults that we work with, who are as powerful as they can possibly be, they can walk around feeling powerless. Without any shred of recognition of how powerful they are, and they’re wielding power left and right, but feeling powerless. So they can be punishing their children, while feeling helpless in the face of the very children they're punishing.

Can you see how convoluted and confused that can be?

You will never get the children, who are having that unconscious power wielded against them, to entertain for an instant that they have some power. They know they are powerless, So consequently, right out of the chute, soon as they get this message, they recognize that their survival is dependent on the good will of others.

An adult’s survival, unless they are incapacitated or incarcerated, is not dependent on the good will of any particular person. Because an adult can pick themselves up and move themselves to a more hospitable environment, to a more hospitable company, or community.

A child is stuck, so they’re trapped, they’re powerless, and dependent on the good will of others for their survival. Everything from a cookie to their very life is dependent on the good will of others. Consequently, the child starts engaging in behaviors as a result of what they perceive as greater good will or lesser good will. And they will move toward monitoring good will and trying to make decisions that will favor them in the good will department. That’s generic.

There are some children that are intrinsically very, very stubborn. They have different agendas and will go about this in a manner that looks like they are engaging in a specific purpose to garner ill will. But they’re not. They’re even more bereft of attention than those that can play with good will/bad will, and any attention is better than no attention. So, if they have to act up and do what makes somebody angry, they will do that because they need the attention. But that’s still a lesser segment. The greater segment is not a matter of attention/no attention, it’s about good attention/bad attention.

The next level from here is noting that the child is always monitoring for good will. And based on what provoked or provided good will and what the good will garnered for the child in the home of origin (what we talk about is the first five years of life, from birth to five), that response gets cellularly encoded in a memory. From that point on the child has a tendency to universalize that response and think that all it has to do is provide this behavior and it will get that response from everyone everywhere. So that’s the child’s first major misunderstanding that leads to problems down the road for the adult.

So, if you start with figuring out and tracking and writing down what kinds of behaviors on your part between the ages of birth and five got you things that you considered pleasant, then you’re going to have a small blueprint that you can extrapolate from and use as an overlay for how to find “little YOU” in your life at any given point.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Quips and quotes from The Guys

"A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience."
~Oliver Wendell Holmes~

The quips and quotes below were emailed to me this morning from a client. With her permission, and a few edits for privacy, I am sharing them with you.

Please send in your favorite quips and/or quotes if you'd enjoy sharing them here...Ava


" These are some things The Guys have said and I remind myself frequently:

-Nothing has any inherent meaning.. as creative beings, we ASSIGN meaning, like naming our pets...

-The Universe is 100% for you and Zero% against you ( but you already knew that!)

-This is The Olympics of Consciousness........ Enjoy the show.

-This is a Game of Manifestation.

-You LOVE the Truth.

-Form is RARE in the Universe.

-We are the Divine Incarnate Walking the Earth.

-We did not come here to have an experience of merging, but to have an experience of UNIQUENESS.

This one REALLY rocked my boat:
-You do not have to TELL the TRUTH to anyone... any part of what you share with anyone is a gift. You can even LIE to someone, as long as you know that you are lying. All that really matters is that you don't lie to YOURSELF!

-Bringing the Unconscious to Consciousness

-That's "Kid Think"

-Whatever ingenious techniques the kid devised for your survival are almost always in your way as an adult

-Safety and Survival are precepts of the Game of Hierarchy. We are in a transition Game, moving into the option of playing a non-hierarchical game

-That the body LOVES all of it's processes, like digestion, it is ECSTATIC to digest ANYTHING!

-That we are ALL MASTERS

-That my cat’s Death created a bridge for me to the formless that I hadn't had in a long time.

-That I didn't love my dad, that in fact, I didn't even like him... that I WISHED I had a Father I could love.

Here's the first thing The Guys ever said to me that totally changed my life:
-That it didn't matter whether I stayed with my husband or I didn't stay with with my husband.

-With a little curiosity you can ALWAYS find a way to see the glass half full."