Kid 101 - part 2

"Your genius can be found in your bad habits."
~Heather Roan-Robbins~
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So, basically, the number one component of a child’s reality is its powerlessness.

Because of its powerlessness, it is dependent on the external support system for its survival, which makes the child deeply invested in monitoring for its goodwill. So, you see that the child’s reality goes from powerlessness, to dependence, to monitoring for goodwill. From there, it personalizes into these specific parents that are personal to this particular child. Another child would have different parents. For one child, being quiet may be the way to survival, while to another child, speaking up and showing up may be the way it breaks out here.

So, there’s the impersonal, which is general for all children: powerlessness, dependence, and monitoring for goodwill. Once you go into what is goodwill, then things get very personal and specific to each child. When you’re dealing that way, you’re dealing in fundamental, core issues that are simplified to the lowest efficient, effective, and useful common denominator.

Whatever it is that you can assess from your particular Kid will give you information about your personal history, which is what you’re trying to get at.

"Why am I the way that I am? Why is this Kid bothering me in this way? Why do I feel the way that I do? Why are these things hard for me? Why do I feel so much pressure, urgency, and resistance, whatever that is?"

So, it goes from the general/impersonal, (as a child you had no choice because you were powerless and you had to depend on the goodwill of others for your survival), to the way that it broke out for you, specifically.

The more that you understand that, the easier it is to comfortably bring forward the Adult ...the survivor ...who managed to take you through everything and still accomplish so many of the things that are important to you. How did that happen? The Kid didn’t do that. If the Kid had his way, you would be living next door to your mom, living your life the way that your dad wanted, and doing things the way that the lineage wanted. Now, you are so far away from that. Who did that? It’s that part of you that was independent enough, powerful enough, and strong enough to insist on going against the tide...even with the Kid yapping at you the whole time.

The opportunity in the Transition is to support the Kids in knowing that they can relax now. It’s all over. They were doing this yapping to make sure that you would survive. Well, they've done that, so now they're off the hook.

But if YOU don’t know that it's over, that you've survived and are grown up now, how are you going to convince them that they are off the hook and can relax?